you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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