We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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