Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Randomize
