is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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