I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize