If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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