Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
