Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
