It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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