he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
