i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
