I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I need moral support for this bender
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
