rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
