problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
