im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
