Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
