3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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