no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
