I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
