Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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