i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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