ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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