Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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