I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
