Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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