stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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