There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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