peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
