im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
