I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
