the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
