U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He better not be in your backpack
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize