wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
