Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
