My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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