She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
