You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
