I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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