I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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