I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
