Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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