Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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