why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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