she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
