When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
