btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I need to sanitize my soul.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
