I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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