The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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