He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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