Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
