at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize