WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize