i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
