i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
