She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
