Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Oh god it's open bar.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
