Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
