I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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