the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
