drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Randomize
