This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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