my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
