You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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